To My Former Best Friend
I didn't plan to ever write a post like this, but life isn't always planned and neither is friendship breakups. I am writing this in hopes it will help someone else. Because unfortunately, we have all been here and maybe are fighting this battle currently. Let me tell you, you aren't alone - this one is to all the people struggling to move on or who have come out the other side or you may be stuck in the middle, wherever you are this is to you.
10+ years. 10+ years of memories, fights, and stronger than ever moments - all behind us now. I'll be honest, I thought I would be nothing without you. Just a lost sheep in the night, lonely and constantly aching for the past. That isn't what happened.
In the first couple of months, I didn't believe it was over. I leaned on the pattern - a couple of months and you'd be back, then you weren't. Even going as far as declining me trying to make-up after two months of silence, that stung, but it didn't last. I went back to living my life for me and my renewed faith in God. I was doing just fine. Making new friends. Seeking The Lord. Facing big fears without you by my side - no longer caring if you'd approved.
Somewhere along the way, I forgave you for leaving so suddenly. I forgave you for showing your true colors when I needed your support the most, your listening ear - not your stinging opinions of my healing process. Somewhere after your silence, I regained my strength in being myself without the weight of disappointing you. I even slowly forgave myself for everything I had done in my past to lead me to where I stood in those first months following our untimely end. Somewhere along the way, I would go days without thinking of you.
But alas, your memory didn't stay gone. As the new decade droned near, I was hit with the realization that you wouldn't be with me this time around. I was due to face a new decade without you. I held my head high and remembered that our door closed so I could go on my journey - one that didn't include you. Yes, your final words still hurt when they resurfaced, but they only pushed me to keep being a better friend to others.
Our ending was not my end, it was only my beginning.
So, thank you for leaving me high and dry in the depths of summer and letting me find who I am supposed to be. Thank you for the lessons, the heartaches, and all our heart-to-hearts, I'll cherish them forever. Thank you for showing me how I don't want to be treated, and that I will no longer settle for it. Thank you for showing me that I shouldn't have to beg for someone to stay when they prove time and time again that they don't want to anymore. Lastly, thank you for being what you were to me for 10+ years.
As we each venture on in our new lives, I hope you know you made an impact on my life. I hope you know it wasn't all negative, but positive as well.
Partners in Crime.
Joey and Chandler.
Much Love & Best Wishes,
Your Former Best Friend