As I am gearing up to publish my fifth poetry collection, "Finding Emily," I discovered more and more how much I have grown through writing not only those poems but the ones before them. In January 2018, I met a guy that set my love for poetry on fire - a flame that keeps burning long after the end of that relationship/friendship. Why does it keep burning? Because I keep adding fuel - love, acceptance, healing, and finding who I am on my own without someone to define me and my writing. He lit a passion inside my soul and gave something I never knew I needed, an outlet to share my voice, emotions, experiences, and thoughts. I still give him credit because who knows if my poetry would be what it is without God placing him in my life. But I quickly learned that my flame can burn all on its own and that I still have the power to light up the world with my own unique style.
She is Electric.
Fire in the depths of her Moons.
Burning bright for all to see her Interesting qualities.
You see her then you Lose her.
Where does she go, which part of the Y does she take?
Nobody knows...she disappears.
Count to three...
Repeat it again two times.
Is she gone, Are you waiting with open arms?
Can she come home, In the depths of your calm waters.
Burn out her flames and Gather her in your arms.
- "Who is Emily," January 22, 2018
I used to not know
the face staring back at me,
the one standing in the mirror -
more like a placeholder than my reflection.
We shared the same features and body,
smile that quickly turned to a frown
when we looked too long at the skin we were in.
Eyes that hid so much sadness,
but kept quiet,
not bothering a soul about her thoughts.
Not anymore -
the cycle most be broken.
Who is this woman
that looks back at me,
begging me to know her,
waiting for me to save her.
She is loud, bubbly -
nothing can calm her down,
she bounces from one thing to another -
hardly slowing down to catch her breath.
She is beauty -
not in the physical way,
so she thinks.
But in her words,
that fill the pages
of her journal she keeps close.
Oh - such magical emotions
pour from the deepest parts of
her soul, begging to be heard,
to be seen.
You see now -
she was hidden
for what seemed like centuries,
scared to show who she is.
No more hiding,
I am here -
very much alive.
- "I Am Emily," January 28, 2020
Two years of writing poetry; two years I have been able to find myself and voice. "Who is Emily" started as a blog poem, a challenge to describe me. It became so much more at the end of that year when it became the first poem in my first poetry collection, "Pieces of My Heart."
I will never forget how much this poem gave me - this is the poem that made my passion burn brighter and hotter. "Who is Emily" reminds me that every story starts somewhere and chapters begin and end constantly, yet one thing remains - the sweet memory of where you began your journey. I was a very different Emily when I wrote that piece, and I love how much my writing and self-confidence has grown since then. None of it has been easier, but if you have read any of my poetry collections or publications, you know I felt it all and cherish every piece of my journey to finding Emily.
Your self-confidence is your greatest strength against the inner demons, so stand tall and believe in your abilities. The fight won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it. I fight many fears every day as I deal with anxiety, but that also gives me a chance to grow and find out what works best for me.
As you find what's best for you, never forget where you came from because it is key to staying grounded in yourself. Finding yourself doesn't mean a complete makeover; it means accepting everything about who you are and who you will become. Accept your fears, failures, mistakes, times of misjudgment, and everything making you feel guilty - it is all apart of life and growth. Accepting the ugly parts, the ones you dislike is the first step to finding exactly who you are. Love yourself harder than anyone can because at the end of the day all you have is you and God, make it count!
"Finding Emily" coming to Amazon in February 2020!