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I Miss You

Dear Nanny,

Is this weird? Probably. But would you love it? Probably so. You would smile and shake your head. You'd be happy I am keeping your memory alive and sharing you with others. I know you don't want us to mope and mourn you, but to rejoice that you are with Our Lord and you are no longer suffering. No more back pains. Headaches. Stomach aches. Eyes hurting. Restless nights. Boring days. You are walking the streets of gold with Granny and Papa. I just know you are. You left your mark on this world, and it will live on in those you left behind. We miss you so much, but we love you more for feeling like you again.

You visited me in my dreams the night you passed away. Smiling and happy, so full of life. We were sitting at a table, and you were trying to pay our bill. We both knew you weren't alive, but you said they wouldn't notice. Laughed and waved your hand at me. You reassured me that you were safe and I knew my poem wasn't assumptions. God knew what I needed to write and He knew you were going on that day when I sat on your couch and typed my poem to you. The last one I wrote while you were still here. A few hours later, you went home just after 2 PM. I held your hand till around 1:50 PM and left your side because I needed a shower and I was so sad. I came back down not even 20 minutes later and you were gone. They said you left this world with a smile on your face. You welcomed death without fear, I do believe. After our hour long talk earlier this month, I think you began to see death as a way to relieve the pain and not something to fear. We cried, you held my head and let me cry with you. Two times I saw you cry during your last month. Two times I cried with you. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, but you knew it was time.

My Momma says that since you could still hear on your last day, you knew I had walked out of the room. You took your final breathe knowing I wouldn't see it. That is how much you protected me from the harsh moments in this life. Even in your final moments, you protected me. Even though you couldn't talk to me, I knew you loved me. I knew you weren't leaving me empty. But still you took a piece of me with you. Hold it tight, I'll be up there after a full life that will make you proud.

Until Next Time,


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